Waiting For a Goodbye
by pavarotti
Summary: After an ambush, Merlin's magic is no longer a secret to Arthur. He decides it's time to say goodbye to his loyal servant.


**Waiting For a Goodbye**

"A lot has changed, Merlin," Arthur murmured. His blue lifeless eyes stared out in front of him, at the vast green and the rain that fell harshly from the sky. Merlin sat beside him, unsure if it was the right thing to do.

"Yes," Merlin replied, his voice all but a whisper. A lot had changed. So much that it was hard to keep track of. So much had happened that day, and Merlin was unsure of where his and Arthur's fate now lay. There were only two options—flee or fight, two things that were much larger than they seemed. The dark haired boy stole a glance at the body next to him. Arthur had transformed into another being, at least, it seemed that way. His body looked sore and bent over, like he'd fought in too many battles…and lost. The rain had drenched him and the coldness caused him to shiver. His jaw was clamped tightly, as if he were grinding his teeth or keeping himself from speaking. Arthur sighed and turned to look at Merlin, whose expression turned surprised.

"I'm angry with you," Arthur said with no malice or anger. It bothered Merlin that there wasn't anything in his voice. It was hollow and empty, like a ghost. His voice was completely and utterly dead. Merlin shuddered, and not from the wet cold.

"And you have every right to be," he replied.

"I want to be angry with you," the blonde haired boy whispered.

"Are you or are you not?" Merlin smiled, hoping for a slight chance to get some type of rise out of his superior. Arthur didn't move. He didn't blink. He only stared at Merlin, as if he were searching for something. It was most likely the old Merlin, the Merlin who was just a simple servant and nothing else. Magic ruined everything for Merlin.

The two had been out hunting. It was Arthur's idea to help Merlin acquire a new skill. Even though he protested, the young boy listened to what his prince had to say, mostly mocking him when he wasn't looking. Both of them wandered as quietly as Merlin could be through the thick forest, listening and watching for prey.

"Arthur, I don't think we're going to find anything," Merlin stated after an hours' worth of searching.

"Well if you'd keep your mouth shut and pick up your feet, maybe something would show up!" he replied. Merlin could only roll his eyes and try to be a tad-bit quieter. Then, suddenly, noises came from somewhere in the forest. Arthur through an arm out and his hand hit Merlin's chest, causing an abrupt halt.

"What is it?" the tall boy asked in a whisper.

"I'm not sure," the other boy replied. As they ventured to the noise it got quieter, but the sound ended too quickly. Immediately the two knew it wasn't an animal. Arthur drew out his sword and stepped in front of Merlin, searching for a reason to be apprehensive. Suddenly a voice was heard, and then many voices. Men ran out of the large trees, anger on their faces and swords in their hands. There must have been twenty of them, all dressed in brown and black as they began their attack. The two boys from Camelot were surrounded, only two weapons to protect themselves with. Arthur began to fight off the one who reached him, but then two more joined in. Merlin wanted to tell Arthur to watch his back, but five came after him, and he only had the spear. _It's not enough!_ he shouted mentally, trying to weasel his way from the group of men.

He only had one option, but it wouldn't go without notice. Merlin wanted to think this over. He wanted to find a way to make sure Arthur didn't see. He wanted to go back to this morning, back when he was in his bed and enjoying the sunrise on his bare back. He wanted so much. Merlin wasn't ready to expose himself; he wasn't ready to deal with the future so suddenly. But it was his destiny to protect Arthur—that was more important than anything he wanted.

Without any more simple thoughts, he faced a man and threw his hand out. His lips spurred and words came out. He felt a warm sensation run throughout him and the man went flying, his back hitting against a tree. The body landed on the ground and the men got even angrier. Merlin didn't get a chance to see if Arthur saw or not. He used his magic against each of the men, but with each downfall of a body the faces surrounding him began to grow frightened expressions. Merlin smiled at this and continued his triumph. He recalled seeing a set of eyes that seemed so surprised and lost, but he wasn't sure if they belonged to the person he thought they did. He hoped not.

Arthur had taken three of the men down; he'd killed them with one swift thrust of his sword. In the back of his mind he worried about his servant. He wanted to look back but he was busy, too busy. He was sweaty and getting tired, which was strange. There was a two second break and he looked over his shoulder. There he saw the most unbelievable thing. Merlin. But it wasn't Merlin. His features were darker and he seemed almost happy…like he was breathing for the first time. He seemed anything but in danger. He was doing something—something that couldn't have been good. He stared too long. He felt pain in his arm and snarled, quickly fighting back. Four more had begun their attack. At this point Arthur was losing hope and strength. His knee burned and he realized he'd been hurt. He fell onto it and hissed, realizing that he was in a vulnerable state. He looked up and a red-faced man was pointing his sword down at Arthur. _This is it,_ he thought.

He closed his eyes and prepared for his death, but there was nothing. Nothing but a couple yells. He opened his eyes and looked behind him, watching as a man ran toward Merlin. The dark haired boy smirked and threw his hand up, words coming out of his mouth. Arthur's jaw dropped as Merlin's eyes glowed gold and the man shot off the ground. He was thrown far into the forest. Arthur turned his attention back to Merlin, who was smiling widely.

"You're a monster!" was all that Arthur could say.

Now the two sat on a log, being showered upon by the fresh rain. It had only been an hour since the attack, but it felt like days. Arthur now knew what Merlin was. Everything started to make sense.

"I'm sorry I haven't told you sooner," Merlin said over the rain.

"As am I," Arthur replied, but yet he couldn't quite channel an emotion.

"What should I do?" the sorcerer asked. Arthur sighed and looked down at his boots. There was a blood stain on his right one, and he knew once they'd returned to Camelot he would make Merlin clean it. But then a second thought occurred: Merlin couldn't return to Camelot—not ever, unless he wanted to die. Unless he wanted Merlin to die.

"You should leave," Arthur replied. This time his tone had something in it. Despair, Merlin thought.

"I can do that," Merlin said, swallowing hard. Arthur let out a surprising chuckle.

"I don't want you to leave Camelot." Merlin turned to look at his prince, wondering what could possibly be going through his head. Arthur stared back at him.

"I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to go. It can't be that simple, Merlin. You've done nothing wrong. Why should you go?"

"Magic," was Merlin's response.

"Magic…it's nothing." Light was starting to form in Arthur's eyes. Merlin was glad to see this. "You've saved my life with it. Countless times. I've saved your life without it. I've saved lots of lives without it. It's like me being good with a sword. You're not, but I'm not good with magic. So it evens out, doesn't it?"

"Why are you making excuses?" Merlin asked in a serious tone. Arthur had expected him to smile or blush, or to say something stupid. He wasn't expecting this. Arthur stared deep into his blue-eyes, searching for the right answers, even the wrong ones.

Arthur sighed. "All my life I've been told to think that magic was bad, that it was evil and only created death and destruction. And that's all I've seen from magic. I honestly believed that magic was bad, Merlin." Arthur looked at Merlin for a second, letting him know that he was speaking the truth. "But when I saw it with you, I saw nothing evil. I saw freedom."

"I feel free. I want to be free," Merlin replied. "And if I'm to die when I return to Camelot, I still want to be free. I must leave."

"I can't explain how painful it is to wait for something that never comes. Never." He sighed and moved his body to face Merlin better. He winced at the pain from his knee. Merlin put his hands out to stop him, but gave up. "With you I've done so much. I've seen so much. I've grown because of you, Merlin. You've changed me."

"That's the only thing I've ever been able to do," the dark haired boy cut in. "It's my destiny to protect you, Arthur. To be by your side. To guide you into the right places, in the right hearts."

Arthur smiled. "Like a guardian angel?"

Merlin grinned back. "Exactly." He sighed and looked down at his hands. They were turning pink from the coldness, but he didn't care. "But there's a catch about angels."

"They don't stay," Arthur finished. Merlin nodded his head.

"I think it's my time, sire. I think it's your time."

"I won't be able to do this without you, Merlin."

He laughed, a deep, strong laugh. "Am I hearing things correctly? Arthur Pendragon - Prince of Camelot - incapable of living his life without his servant?"

"That's exactly what you heard," Arthur mumbled. The both turned and looked at each other.

"This won't be the last time we speak, Arthur. We'll see each other again. When you're king…" He couldn't finish his sentence, though. Would Arthur be the king he always knew he'd be?

"I'll make things right for all," Arthur promised.

"That's what I've been saying to everyone. I hope you prove them wrong."

* * *

**Author's Note: **This is my first official Merlin fic oneshot thinger. I wrote it awhile ago so I'm not quite sure what was going on when I wrote it.


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